3 month's Later
by Bee'sAnatomy
Summary: We pick up 3 months after we last saw the characters. Alot has changed, new face appear, old faces return. New problems arise & old problems are still being dealt with. Some things at SGH have improved & others have only gotten worse. What happens now?
1. Chapter 1

_S4E12: Did You Imagine?_

_(title song by Lumidee)_

_Most of life, is about the unexpected. Life is a rollercoaster full of crazy twists and turns. Ups and downs. We spend most of our time, trying to prepare ourselves for that rollercoaster. We fight our hopes, and expect the worst but does it really make a difference, when the element of surprise comes into play? Are we ever really prepared?_

Derek Shepard sat at the nurse's desk flipping through his newest patients chart. The nurse's desk was a place he frequently sat these days, because Rose often passed by as she was going from patient to patient. Things with Rose had been going quite well. It was much different than with Meredith; good different he assumed. She was mature and ready to have a life. His pager suddenly went off.

"Never mind, he's right here," he heard a familiar woman's voice coming from around the corner, along with high heels clip clopping toward him. He looked up knowing that there was only one person it could be, "Derek Shepard," Addison said with a smile.

"Addie!" Derek said in surprise and stood up to hug her. He leaned casually against the desk, "So what happened to you, you just left... were you in LA?" His train of thought jumped around.

"Uh, lets talk about you instead, I'm gone, what?" she thought, "And all hell breaks loose," she said plainly.

He laughed, "You would think the evil would leave with its ruler, but that's not how it works I guess," he kidded.

"Seriously Derek, Do you listen to the gossip around here," she said pulling up a chair to sit next to him, "Karev is sleeping with Lexie and Eva or Rebbecca, whatever the hell her name is, Mark is in love with Haun?" She said in confusion, Derek laughed at that. "And Callie and George? What the hell happened with that?"

"Yes," Derek said softly, "I have found a way to finally step away from the drama."

"Yeah," Addison said her voice switching from confusion to bitterness. "I heard about that too."

"What is that suppose to mean," Derek asked starting to get defensive.

"Derek," she looked at him soberly, "what are you doing?"

"So you are on her side too," Derek spit.

"No, I just don't understand how you could do that to her," she raised her voice slightly, "again."

"Yah, the first time was for you," he raised his voice. "To try and fix our train wreck of a marriage."

"And you didn't learn anything?" Addison asked sternly. "That leaving her the first time was a mistake,"

"Is this what you came back here for to lecture me?" he asked defensively.

"Damn it, Derek I was there, and I watched you pine for her--" Addison froze as the sound of her pager went off. She looked at it and realized she had to go. "This conversation isn't over,"she motioned and then quickly continued down he hallway.

Erica Haun was waiting for the elevator in the lobby. As it opened Mark suddenly appeared behind her.

"Dr. Haun," Mark nodded mischievously as he entered the elevator.

"Dr. Sloan," she nodded back, only she was quite a bit more professional.

"Do you know what they say about these elevators?" Mark asked Erica playfully as the elevator doors closeed.

"I've been here for quite a while, Mark, I'm not completely deranged." She admitted, as she reached for the 3 floor button.

"Erica, listen," Mark began.

"It is Dr. Haun when we are in this hospital," she insisted.

"But you just called me Ma-" she cut hims off.

"Uht," she pointed a finger at him. "When I agreed to this little...whatever we are, we said that we would be completely professional at work."

"I have never been in your OR, I am not a distraction," he insisted shrugging. "And am I professional with anyone at work," Mark asked with his Mark grin. They went up two floors and the elevator door opened. Alex Karev walked on.

"Dr. Sloan," he nodded, "Dr. Haun."

"Karev," both Haun and Sloan said at the same time, with the very same nod.

"What do you guys like practice that?" Alex asked rudely.

The elevator doors opened slowly revealing, "Addison," Mark said in surprise.

"Addison," Alex echoed seconds later.

"Oh this should be fun," Erica mumbled.

"Mark," Addison smiled. "Karev," she cleared her throat. Some how after all this time, he still made her feel uncomfortable.

Addison boarded the elevator as Alex and Erica got off, "You gonna get off here Sloan," Erica asked waiting for him.

"I'll be down in a minute," he said not taking his eyes off Addison. "There's uhh... Something I uhh... have to do."

"Right," Erica said flatly. Mark seemed to be unaffected by her demeanor.

He noticed a change in Addison, she looked glowy and full of life. "LA, looks good on you," Mark smiled.

"Thanks, and look at you," Addison returned the smile, "You have a real relationship for the first time in your life. I can't say you didn't just ruin it by riding up here with me but," she shrugged, perching her lips slightly.

"So, what are you doing here?" Mark pried.

"I have a case actually, an important one," Addison explained.

"Anything I can help with," Mark asked kindly.

"No, not really, just pink and squishy things," she laughed.

"You're not back for good?" Mark asked.

"No, just for this case and then I'll be on the next plane to LA," she answered.

"Right," he answered.

And there it was, the pain in his chest. He thought it had gone away, he thought that he really might have true feelings for Erica. With the tapping of Addison's Jimmy Choo's, Mark watched his potential true feelings for Erica walk out of the elevator with the only woman he had ever truly loved.

"Meredith," Lexie called out, trying to get her attention. "Umm two things," she said nervously. "One I need a consult on Mrs. Parker in 720, and two I was wondering if we could go to Joe's after work and get a drink?" Lexie and Meredith's relationship was growing stronger over the last few months but Meredith had always been the one to initiate. This was Lexie's first time, and she was nervous.

"Lexie, relax you're not asking me on a date, I'm your sister," Meredith glanced down the hall to see Rose. "And I could use a drink anyway." Lexie followed her glance.

"Right, Okay," Lexie smiled. "So 6ish?"

"I umm," now Meredith was nervous. "I have something to do. 7 okay?"

"Yeah, great," Lexie answered.

"Oh and this is Ms. Parker's chart," she handed it to her, "Christina already called me."

"Are you going to talk all day or are you going to get some work done?" Bailey asked passing by.

"God, do you think she'll ever stop bossing us around?" Lexie asked watching Bailey disappear into a room.

"No," Meredith shook her head and then continued down the hall and took the elevator down to the pit.

Her pager suddenly went off and she went to the entrance for the trauma. Christina appeared there also. The paramedics rushed someone through the door. "Frank Lawrence, 38 years old, GSW to the head," the paramedic said. Derek walked into the ER and ran quickly toward them.

Meredith instantly lifted her hands off the gurney, "Yang, all yours, I don't do Neuro if I don't have to,"

Derek watched Meredith walk away, Christina started to update him, "GSW to the head, no previous heart problems or health complications," Christina noticed he wasn't listening. "Shepard!" she yelled to get his attention.

She updated him again, "Take trauma room 2," Dr Shepard insisted, "And prep the OR," Derek excited the room and went in the Trauma room across the hall to pull himself together. His talk with Addison early had made him uneasy. Moments later Meredith rushed into the room with another Neuro patient.

"I assume you've got it from here Dr Shepard," she asked not looking him in the eye.

"No, I haven't been updated," he told her.

" Tara King, 32 years old, car accident, still has a pulse, but has been unconscious since the accident, appears to be brain dead," Meredith explained. The rest of the staff had exited the room now.

Derek check her eyes and then a few other functions. "We'll watch her for six hours and then call it," he answered.

"We'll," she asked.

"Damn it Meredith," Derek raised his voice, "when are you going to grow up?"

"If you haven't notice, I've grown up quite a bit," she yelled back. "But if it involves you, never. If you ask me anyone will say that I don't have to be mature about this. You left me once for the wife I didn't know you had and then the second time for a freaking nurse," She yelled. "I will never be mature when it comes to you."

"You think this is easy for me," he yelled back. "Everyone is on your side. Everyone hates me, I'm the bad guy that left poor little innocent Meredith Grey."

"And you think that I haven't been the one at fault, I will forever be known as the slutty intern that slept with her married attending. I have been the one everyone hates Derek. So don't act like you are all alone in this. Do you think it is easy to see you with her?"

"Do you think it was easy for me to see you with Finn or one of the thousand one night stands you had," he yelled.

Christina watched from across the hall as she waited for the scrub nurse to enter and take her patient away. Rose walked down the hallway but froze as she heard Derek and Meredith yelling. She turned to look in the window of Trauma room 3. She watched them fight for a moment.

"You were married, it was different," she yelled.

"But that still doesn't mean that I didn't love you," he yelled.

"Stop it, Derek," she yelled.

"You stop it, stop making everyone pity you," he yelled, her eyes filled with tears, " I have to hear shit from my x-wife about leaving you this Morning. And now I'm fighting with you, I'm done with this,"

That startled her, "You talked to Addison? What did she say to you?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Yeah," Derek calmed slightly. "She yelled a little and then got paged, we never finished the conversation," he answered. "She's in town for a case."

"I heard something about that," Meredith answered.

"Can we just be done with this fighting thing?" Derek asked softly. "And go back to being co-workers?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I don't see how we can do that," she headed for the door. She paused before opening it. "We've never been just co-workers."

"Meredith," he called her name.

"What, Derek?" she yelled. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want us to be civil and not have our problems interfer with our work," He yelled

"Me too," Tara suddenly said groggily.

Meredith and Derek both jumped and looked to Mrs King, "You're awake,"

"Mrs King," Derek suddenly transformed into the amazing doctor he was. "Can you feel this," he said touching her leg.

"No," Tara answered,

"How bout this," he touched her other leg.

"No," she repeatd.

"Dr Grey could you please order a CT and any other tests you think are necessary," Derek said not looking away from Mrs King.

She opened the door and walked out without looking back. She looked into the Trauma room across the way, Rose was standing there, Meredith's glance shifted to the ground.

"How much of that did you hear?" Derek asked playfully.

"Oh a bit," Tara responded.

"I'm sorry," Dr Shepard said.

"I'm not, I'm a soap freak, drama is my drug," she smiled.

"Well you are certainly spunky for someone I nearly declard brain dead."

Her face suddenly got serious, "Dr Shepard, am I ever going to walk again?"

Derek grabbed Tara's hand, "I will do everything in my power to make sure you do," he smiled

Tara breathed a relieved sigh, "Okay... In that case can I hear the drama now."

Derek's pager went off, "I have to go, I'll send in one of our nurses to keep you update."

"Saved by the bell," Tara smiled. Derek Laughed and excited the room. Rose was standing in the hall.

"She okay?" Rose asked.

"I don't know, she can't move her legs. Can you sit with her and keep her update?" Derek asked, touching Rose's arm.

"Sure," Rose nodded. She walked into the room and sat in a chair next to the gurney. "I'm Rose," She smiled.

"Tara," she smiled, "are you my nurse?"

"Yes," Rose answered.

"You work in this hospital all the time right?" Tara asked curiously.

"Yes," Rose said.

"Okay so what's the deal with the hot Doc and his slutty intern?"

"Umm, I'm not sure what you are talking about," Rose was uncomfortable but dangerously curious.

"So the dirty blonde haired doc... I think her name was Grey, and the hot one...Shepard that's right. Anyway they were yelling at eachother for like 15 minutes, they thought I was out the whole time. I tried to get their attention but they were so intense they didn't even notice," Tara rambled, "From what I pieced together they were together twice and he left her both times for another woman. I watch alot of TV, right, so I pretty much can forsee the next step in real life. You know, because the real world is really just a giant soap. Anyway whoever this chick is that he's dating now, doesn't stand a chance. If they've been apart for three months and still have that kind of passion, its never going away." Tara finished realizing she sounded like an idiot, "I'm sorry, I'm rambling,"

_The truth is, we can never really prepare ourselves for what is to come. _

Rose was stunned, she couldn't believe that the patient had just told her all of that, "I have to go ummm... check on another patient," Rose left the room quickly trying to pull herself back together.

_We can expect the worst,or anticipate our feelings, but we never really know how we are going to feel in the future._

Derek is sitting in chair in the lobby, the one he has often gone to when he needs to think.

_This crazy rollercoaster we call life, is full of unexpected moments, moments that will tear us apart, moments that we will redirect us, when we have strayed. The outcome of our decisions, are paths, cannot be predicted. We can never foresee the problems we will face, the people we will fall in love with, or the people we cannot forget. Maybe life is not life a roller coaster, maybe it is more like the ocean,_

Addison walked into a conference room. It was entirely empty except for Meredith, who sat nervously on the other side of the room. Addison walked to toward her and sat in the chair next to her. She smiled, "Now can you tell me what is so important that I fly all the way back here from LA?"

_and in the blink of an eye, a storm can sweep through,_

Meredith swallowed hard, terrified of what she was about to say, "I'm pregnant."

_And knock you off your feet._


	2. Chapter 2: Hiding My Heart Away

_S4E13:Hiding my Heart Away_

_(Song title by Brandi Carlile)_

_MVO: The Greek poet, Homer, once said "Hateful to me as are the gates of hell, Is he who, hiding one thing in his heart, Utters another." In plain English, it pretty much means, that he hates the people, that cannot speak how they truly feel. There are moments, when I believe Homer was right to have hatred for such people. And then I realize that I am surrounded by those people._

The moonlight streamed in through the window and shined down on Derek's legs. He was still in motionless in the chair, at the front lobby. Pondering the events of the day. "If I had a dollar for every time, I saw you sitting in this chair, I would have enough money to quit my job. What's the problem this time, Dr McDreamy" she mocked sitting next to him.

"Nothing," Derek said softly. "I'm fine."

_Most of the time we hide our true feelings because they are too complicated to explain._

Miranda laughed, "And that's what you say every time. Personally, I'm looking forward to tomorrow, the drama usually comes the morning after your chair pondering," Miranda stood up and squeezed his shoulder. "I'm fine, we're all fine, but that doesn't mean that something isn't wrong."

Erica walked up to Mark on the third floors, "You want to come to my place tonight?" She asked.

"I have some work to finish up," Mark made an excuse, "Tomorrow?" he struggled to smile.

_We make up excuses, why we can't do the things we're asked, instead of saying why we don't want to._

"You okay?" she asked.

"Fine," he answered. She didn't press him further, she just walked away.

_And sometimes the weight of our darkest thoughts and secrets, is too much to bear. So we spill them to someone unexpected and lie to our closest friends._

Meredith walked into Joe's, with an unlikely guest. At first, their entrance quited the room, then it sent it into a frenzy of whispers. Christina and Lexie both looked from Addison to Meredith, and then to Addison and then too Meredith again.

By this time, Christina was slightly drunk, "Okay is this weird?" She asked awkwardly, "I feel like its weird. Are you okay?" she asked playfully putting her hand to Meredith's forehead and then to Addison's. As if to check for a fever.

"I'm fine," Meredith said annoyed by Christina's drunken state.

"So what is this like a 'We hate Derek Shepard Club?" Christina asked laughing.

Meredith ignored Christina's drunken self, "I'm sorry I'm late Lexie," she said, "Oh, Lexie, Addison," Meredith pointed, introducing them

"You're..." Lexie didn't finish her sentence.

"McDreamy's x-wife," Christina finished it for her.

"The one tha-," again Lexie stopped realizing it was inappropriate to say.

"Slept with McSteamy," Christina finished for her again.

"And now I need a drink," Addison said. "Nice to meet you Lexie."

"So you are in town for a case?" Lexie asked curiously.

"Yes," Addison answered waving Joe over.

"Wow, I would love to work with you if you could use an intern," Lexie smiled.

"Uh, thank you but I probably won't be needing an intern," she said trying not to sound like a bitch.

Joe appeared in front of her, "Addison Montgomery, what brings you back to the Emerald city," He asked reaching to hug her. Addison stood up and hugged her.

"Oh you know," she said loudly, and then whispered, "Do not give Meredith any alcohol, even if she orders it, until I say other wise,"

"Good to have you back," Joe nodded.

"Listen, Lex," Meredith said softly, "I have some things I need to take care of, can you drive Christina home, and then we can all have breakfast together?" She asked

"Yeah, Sure," Lexie nodded.

Meredith started heading for the door, "Addison," Meredith called.

"Oh, I guess I'm leaving, Lexie nice to meet you," she nodded. "Joe, nice to see you again," she smiled waving to him and joining Meredith by the door.

Joe looked to Christina and Lexie in confusion, "What?" he asked.

"Beats me," Lexie shrugged.

"Maybe they're sleeping together," Christina laughed.

"She's drunk," Joe said pointing to Christina.

"Damn right," Christina said.

Meredith and Addison walked through the front door of Meredith's house, "Does Karev still live here?" Addison asked feeling awkward.

"Yeah, but he's on call," Meredith answered quickly. She could tell that Addison felt odd being there. "God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you. It's just that, I didn't know who else to call."

"Don't be sorry," Addison said wondering into the living room and sitting on the couch. Meredith sat next to her, "It is Derek's baby right?" Addison asked softly.

"Yes," Meredith answered.

"Are you sure?" Addison asked.

"I haven't had sex since we-," Meredith didn't finish her sentence. Addison was surprised by that. "I shouldn't be telling you this. You don't want to hear this,"

"Meredith, Stop, I moved on, I think I moved on a long time ago," Addison explained. "But I do think Derek should have a say in this,"

"How can Derek have a say in this, he left me. He left me for some average nurse, that he hadn't known for a week. He gave up his say."

Addison's face grew serious, "I still don't think that's fair. This is his baby just as much as it is yours."

"We both know how Derek is, you know that the second he found out that I am pregnant he would come running back to me. Because Derek Shepard isn't the kind of guy that just walks away."

"The funny thing is, He is the kind of guy that walks away but he has never walked away from you, if he has, its because he is so in love with you that he doesn't want to hurt you or thinks you'd be better off with someone else. And I said is, because I know he still is in love with you. Both times he broke up with you, I think he felt like he was forced to. I know this because I was married to him for 15 years, I know him pretty well. I also know, he never loved me the way he loves you. What if this is gods way of telling you, that you are suppose to end up with him."

"He hurts me, every time I let my guard down. How can I bring a baby into a world, that I'm terrified of?"

"You're right, it's a risk but everyone is scared, Derek is terrified, I can see it in his eyes. He is terrified that he is going to end up alone. He is terrified that he made the wrong choice by choosing to leave behind what he really loved and starting something new with Rita," Addison cracked a smile, Meredith followed.

"Rose," Meredith corrected.

"I don't think that you should abort this baby without even talking to Derek. If you talk to him and you decide together to have an abortion than so be it."

"I can't talk to him," Meredith insisted. "I can barely stand in the same room without fighting with him and he is always with her."

"Oh screw, Reba," Addison laughed, "Okay I did it on purpose that time."

"I can't tell him," Meredith shrugged, "I just can't."

"Meredith, there are some risks that are worth taking. I think having this baby is one of those risks, but if you talk to him and decide together to terminate this pregnancy, then I will do it, but if you can't even try to talk to him, I won't do this," Addison stated plainly.

Callie sat on Christina's couch, painting her toe nails. There was suddenly a knock at the door. She quickly got up to answer it.

"Can I come in," George asked softly. Callie rolled her eyes. "I know you hate me. You have a right to hate me," he mumbled slightly.

Callie walked away from the door and sat on the couch, George sat next to her. "I got these in the mail today," he said handing her his unsigned divorce papers. She looked at them oddly, "I didn't sign them."

"Why?" She asked him.

"I don't know, I couldn't stop thinking about my mother and what she said and then I started thinking about my dad. I would have never got through that without you. I don't think I ever thanked you for that."

"Why are you here George?" Callie asked with a little bit of attitude.

"I'm here because..because," he hesitated. "I never loved Izzie," he shrugged. "I loved her, I still love her, shes my best friend but not like I loved you. I don't think I understood that until tonight when I held these papers in my hand and realized that I would never have you again."

"Don't do this George," Callie said firmly not looking at him.

"Callie, what if my mom is right? What if this is what's suppose to be? What if we're suppose to be together and we let life get in the way?"

"Damn it George, just go," Callie yelled. "There's no such thing as fate. There's know such thing as suppose to be. We choose our own paths and you choose to sleep with Izzie and now you have to deal with that whether it was a mistake or not. So just sign the papers," she turned away from him and waited for him to leave. After walked out of the room and shut the door, she burst into tears.

Meredith woke up to the smell of Izzie's spectacular cooking. She walked into the kitchen where Addison, Christina and Lexie were already eating.

"Good morning sleepy head," Izzie said in her cheery morning voice.

"What time is it?" Meredith asked still a little groggy.

"Ten Thirty," Izzie answered filling her plate with eggs and bacon. "Pancakes too?"

"No thanks, I'm good," Meredith answered grabbing a bite. As she did, she suddenly felt sick. Her face practically turned green and she ran from the room.

"Mer are you-"Izzie began to ask and then Addison purposely knocked her glass of orange juice off the counter to distract them from Meredith's morning sickness.

"Oh god, I'm sorry," Addison said. Lexie realized she did it purposely and gave her a face.

Derek walked into Tara Kings room, a 32 year old car accident victim who came in the night before. They nearly declared her brain dead, but she woke up talking but could not move her legs.

"How are you feeling today Tara?" Derek asked walking into his patients room

"Still can't feel my legs and I can't get anyone to give me the gossip on you and the dirty blonde chick," She smiled devilishly, "So, not very good."

"There is no gossip," Derek's face was instantly more serious.

"Woah, if you actually wanted me to believe that, you should have said it without the brokenhearted bitterness." Tara laughed.

"Mrs. King, we haven't got your CT results yet, but the MRI doesn't look good," he explained softly.

"Okay," Tara breathed deep. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know yet." Derek said flatly

"Well come back when you know." Tara demanded.

Derek walked out of the room and sat in the chair by the nurse station. "Hi," Rose said cheerily.

"Hi," Derek said not looking up at her.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Fine," Derek answered nonchalantly.

"Good," She said touching his shoulder. "I brought you some lunch," Rose smiled.

"Thanks," Derek said taking the salad.

"Are you sure your okay?" Rose pried. "You've seem kind of down lately."

"It's just weird having Addison in town." He admitted.

"Is it weird that she's here, or is it weird that she's spending so much time with Meredith?" Rose asked through bites of salad.

"What?" Derek asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Addison and Meredith, they're like the new Christina-Meredith, Don't you listen to gossip around here?" Rose asked.

"No, I see that you do."

"I'm a scrub nurse, its in our job description," Rose admitted. "Anyway, they have been working on some kind of secret case together, no one knows much about it except the chief. They have been inseparable since the second Addison got back."

"Hmm," Derek pretended like he didn't care, eating his salad.

"Oh and I also have," Rose said filtering through her stuff, "Mrs. King's CT results."

Derek took them out of Rose's hand and walked away from her to go read them.

"Okay? Just walk away." Rose said to herself.

Meredith and Addison rode up the elevator. "I have to work on my other case," Addison said.

"You have another case?" Meredith asked.

"Yah, I was just assigned it today. Someone heard I was back in town. I haven't even read through the chart yet, you are welcome to help if you'd be interested."

"I have a few cases of my own to work on, but thank you." Meredith smiled. The Elevator doors opened Addison walked off backwards.

"Tell him," she said not knowing he was getting on the elevator as she got off. Meredith's eyes got wide.

"Dr. Grey," Derek nodded.

"Dr. Shepard," Meredith answered.

"Mrs. King, is not going to need surgery after all." Derek stated.

"Why?" Meredith asked not looking at him.

"Because there is only a 5 percent chance she will survive the surgery. It's not worth the risk. She can live for the next 25 years or more in a wheel chair." Derek stated. The elevator doors opened.

"Or she could take a risk, have the surgery and live for the next 30 years on her feet." Meredith stated and walked out of the elevator. As she got out she realized that she should be taking her own advise. She turned back to Derek, "Can we talk later?" She asked.

"Yah," Derek said surprised that she had suddenly broken out of her anger toward him."Meet me at Joe's, 10ish?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded nervously.

"Callie," Izzie called down the hallway.

Callie turned around with one eyebrow raised. "Steven's?"

"I know this isn't my place, in fact I am completely out of line, but don't make George sign those papers."

"Go to hell, Stevens," Callie said turning to walk away.

"Please," Izzie pulled her back, "Just listen. George never loved me the way he loved you. We were best friends that got too drunk and thought we could be something more and I, I was weak and thought that I found true love again, which was something I never thought I'd find after Denny, and maybe I won't but you, what you and George have is real. It wasn't born out of weakness or alcohol, it just is. Don't make him sign the papers." Izzie finished and walked away.

"I want the surgery," Tara insisted

"Tara, I'm going to be honest with you. If I try to perform this surgery, there is a 95 percent chance you will die."

"Dr Shepard, I can't even move my arms now, I want you to try the surgery."

"I don't know if I can make that decision." Derek said firmly.

"Listen to me, I have lived my whole life on my living room couch watching TV. I took be able to walk for granted. I never followed my heart, Dr Shepard. I took the signs fate threw at me and I tossed them right back. So for once in my life, please let me make the decision I feel like I am suppose to make." She finished with teary eyes.

Derek squeezed her hand, "Okay," he said softly. "I'll go book the OR,"

"Can we do it today?" Tara asked.

"Tara, are you sure?" Derek asked again.

"Yes, Yes, Yes, I'm sure," Tara repeated.

"Okay," Derek said and turned to walk away.

"Under one condition," she said as a single tear fell down her cheek, "If you kill me," she smiled, "and I say kill me to make you feel guilty enough to do what I ask. If you kill me, will you tell the blonde doc how you feel?" Tara smiled.

Derek returned an uncontrollable smile, "You're not gonna die." He said walking out of the room.

"Dr. Karev to Nurse's station two, Dr Karev to Nurse's Station Two"

Alex walked to the nurse's station closest to the entrance of the hospital. A thin women with dark reddish brown hair was talking to a Nurse, the Nurse pointed at Alex, and then the woman turned around, revealing a baby girl on one hip.

"Rebbecca," he said surprised that she was there. He was overwhelmed by her beauty, he didn't remember her being that beautiful.

"Alex," she smiled. Alex looked down at the little baby, "Oh, and this is Emmie," Rebbecca said in baby talk handing the little girl to Alex. He instinctively took her and bounced her around, she laughed. Someone walked by and Alex cleared his throat, handing Emmie back to Rebbecca.

"What are you doing here?" He finally asked.

"I left him,"She exhaled heavily. "I'm done pretending to be something I'm not. I woke up Alex, and I realized that I'm not Ava, I'm Rebbecca, but I'm not the Rebbecca I was. I'm not the Rebbecca who settles for a bad marriage and a mediocor life, maybe I was before, but I'm not now. Alex," she hesitated, "I'm in love with you, I want you to be part of our lives. And you can deny it all you want, but I know what kind of guy you truly are Alex Karev. You want this just as much as I do."

"Rebbecca, I'm working," he said harshly.

_We are all capable of saying something other than we feel and concealing our true feelings. Our deepest desires._

"We'll wait,"she said with a soft, fragile smile. Alex turns and walks away without saying a word. "Don't page me again," he mumbled to the nurse as he passed. _Too often we fight fate and choose to hide behind our masks._ _Perhaps we want to spare heart ache of another or protect our own heart._

Meredith found Derek in front of the OR, the one she had sat outside of after her first real surgery. It had been one of Derek's surgeries, she remembered it like it was yesterday. That had just been the beginning for them, there was no pain, no wife, no broken hearts, no fear. So much had changed since then. She looked down at Derek, he looked rough. She was certain he lost his patient. "I thought there wasn't going to be a surgery?" Meredith asked.

_We are afraid to take risks, afraid of their consequences._

"She wanted to take the risk," Derek shrugged.

"Did she make it," Meredith asked softly.

_Fear of speaking our deepest thoughts, making decisions solely on instinct, those fears keeps us from living. Some cases are more literal than others._

"Yeah," Derek nodded, practically whispering, "She made it." He just breathed for a moment and then, "Meredith, can we talk tomorrow?" He asked swallowing hard.

"Yeah," she agreed and stood up to leave.

"Wait," he said quietly. She turned back to him, "Stay," he spoke desperately. She sat back down, the both just sat there staring, contemplating, anticipating. They were centimeters apart, but were not touching.

_Some of the time we have been hiding for so long, we don't even realize we are hiding anymore._

George was tossing and turning in bed when he heard the door bell ring, he rolled out of bed and walked to answer the door. He expected to see Derek standing there, waiting for Meredith, like he had so many times before. But it wasn't Derek this time.

"Callie," George said quickly unlocking the door. She stood outside in the pouring rain for a moment, "I miss you," she admitted coming in the house and throwing her arms around him.

_But there comes a moment when everything is clear and you have to decide,_

It was late by the time Alex walked out into the front lobby. He glanced to the chairs by the far door. Rebbecca and Emmie had fallen asleep in one of the leather comfortable ones. He struggled towards the door for a moment.

_Whether you are going to stay hidden,_

And then he turned back, a small smile broke the corners of his mouth as he walked toward them. He picked up little Emmie out of Rebbecca's arms. Emmie squirmed for a moment and then settled her head against Alex's neck.

"Rebbecca," he whispered, softly shaking her.

"Alex," she said still half asleep and then opening her eyes too look at him. She smiled tenderly, he returned the same smile. Rebbecca stood up, Alex took her hand.

"Let's go home," he said tenderly. They walked out of the hospital.

_Or take fate's hand._


	3. Chapter 3: Lead Me, Guide Me

_S4E14: Lead me, Guide me_

_(song title by Elvis Presley)_

_MVO: As Doctors, we are educated to be the voice of reason. Patients put their lives in our hands because they need someone to make them better. We are designed to be the savior, that has no personal attachments, the person that's not directly involved. The person who say this is how we fix this, or breaks the news that something can't be fixed at all. Often, we as humans are blind to certain aspects of our lives. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "People only see, What they are prepared to see." Sometimes we are are to busy staring at the past, or holding on to the present, to let the future take us where it is suppose to. Maybe it's not that we are blind, maybe it has more to do with the fact that we crave a second opinion._

"Addison," Derek called to her from down the hall and jogged up next to her.

She noticed his odd smile, "You're awful cheery today," Addison raised an eyebrow.

Derek smirked, "I've always been a morning person, Addie you know that," he stated.

"mhh hmmm," she said looking up from her chart and pushing her glasses off her face.

"Anyway, I was looking for Meredith," Derek said and then he realized how long it had been since he he had said that sentence. "She wanted to talk to me about something last night and we never got around to it," he explained.

"Hense the cheeriness," Addison grinned. "I think that you should find her," Addie tapped the point of her shoe against the tile.

"It doesn't have anything to do with the secret case you are working on, does it?" He asked.

"Secret case?" Addison asked putting her glasses back on to read the chart, the nurse had just fixed. "There's no secret case," She said nervously.

"Wow, that was a lie," Derek said smiling. "I'm hurt that you wouldn't let me in on this secret."

Suddenly Rose appeared in the hall and walked up to Derek, "Can we talk," she interrupted rudely.

"Addison Montgomery," She extended her hand. "x-Shepard," she pointed to Derek.

Rose shook her hand, "Nice to meet you," she said with an attempted smile that turned out to be a sneer.

Addison caught it, "It's not me you should be worried about," She smiled thinly.

"Addison!" Derek said.

"Derek!" Addison mocked him.

"We are walking away now," Derek said guiding Rose away.

"Find her," Addison shouted to Derek as got further down the hallway.

"Find who?" Rose asked Derek.

"Uh one of Addie's patients" He he said realizing he had just lied to Rose for the first time.

"Oh," Rose said softly. He couldn't tell if she realized it was a lie. "Anyway, I was wondering why you didn't come over last night?"

"I had Mrs King's surgery." He answered.

"Until what time," Rose pried.

"It was pretty late, by the time it was over I was exhausted. I had told her not to get the surgery, you know? I basically told her she would die if we did the surgery and she said she wanted to take that risk, and she lived. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact, that if she would have played it safe, she would be in a wheel chair right now, having to depend on other people for the rest of her life."

"How is she doing now?" Rose asked.

"I haven't check on her yet," He answered pushing the elevator button. "I'm on my way up there right now."

"Let me know how she recovers," Rose said sincerely.

"I will," he kissed Rose quickly. She followed him in the elevator, they went up one floor and then Rose had to get off, as she walked off, Meredith walked on not realizing that Derek was there. The elevator doors shut, "Good morning Dr. Grey," he said cheerily.

"Dr Shepard," She smiled at him for the first time in months. She suddenly felt awkward,"Are you uh, going to check on Mrs King?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered. "Did you still need to talk to me?" he asked anxiously.

"Yes," she laughed noticing his anxiousness, "But, not until later," she paused, "It's kind of... complicated."

"Uhh," he groaned. "The suspense is killing me."

"Oh, is it?" She asked playfully.

"Oh, it is," Derek repeated in the way he always had before as he exited the elevator.

Izzie stood in the Emergency Room, waiting. It was quiet, but she didn't dare say it. She didn't dare even think it. Bailey had assigned her the Emergency Room today, which perplexed her, because now that she was a Resident, wasn't it her job to assign the interns what to do? Now that Bailey was Chief Resident, things had definitely changed. Not that hadn't been a good Chief Resident, she just didn't have the same control that Bailey.

"Stevens," Bailey called. Speak of the devil. Izzie thought.

Izzie turned to Bailey, "Dr Bailey,"

"This is Dr. Ryan Pierce, his resident is out today, he's with you." Bailey said quickly turning the other way. "Good luck," She mumbled.

"Okay," Izzie turned to look at Dr Pierce. She was surprised at how attractive he was. "Izzie," she extended her hand, "I mean, Dr. Stevens,"

"The hot push over one," he said cockily.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"I'm just saying, that's what your known as in our locker room, "that and O'Malley's other woman."

"And you know what you are known as in my locker room?" She asked. "The know it all intern who will drop the program before he even does one surgery."

"Ouch," He said putting his hand to his chest, like he was in pain.

"Oh," Izzie made a pouting face, "Did I hwurt you wittle feewings?"

"No," he shook his head with a smiled. "It wasn't that good of a comeback, I just wanted to hear you talk like that,"

Izzie rolled her eyes and then said," Just go run labs, and get out of my face." She tossed him her charts and walking away. "Page me when your done. And if I page you first, you better damn well be there."

"Alright, Gizzie," he said devilishly. She turned back to give him a dirty look, and he gave her a mischievous grin.

Meredith walked from the lunch counter, and sat down with a bag of barbecue chips, a slice of chocolate cake and orange juice. Alex laughed, "Dude, what the hell are you eating?"

"What?" Meredith asked with her innocent, or attempted innocent, Meredith face.

"That's pretty rank, Meredith," George said.

Alex, Christina and Meredith looked at George like he was insane. "Rank, Seriously?" Christina asked.

"Alex just said dude, why can't I say rank?" George asked.

"Exactly, Alex said, Bambi can't say things like that and look as cool as Alex." Alex said talking about himself.

Izzie walked up behind Alex and caught half of the conversation, "Why are you talking about yourself in third person?" Izzie asked sitting down and then looking to Meredith, "what are eating?" she said kind of grossed out.

"God, I'm Hungary okay?" Meredith stood up angrily and walked away.

"What's her problem?" Izzie asked.

"Maybe she's pregnant." Christina stated nonchalantly.

Izzie's pager went off just as she opened her lunch. "Uhhhh," she groaned, "Are you serious?"

"What's wrong with you," Alex said sitting to eat Meredith's left over barbecue chips.

"I have this intern today and he thinks he knows everything and he's arrogant and... and he's just making me crazy." Izzie yelled in anger.

"Is he hot?" Christina asked.

"What?" Izzie gave her a face. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Because you said that like, hes making you crazy." Christina added a touch of sexiness.

"No, he's making me made, like I might kill him." Izzie said angrily.

"Or sleep with him." Christina said.

"Christina! Why do you say things like that?"

"Oh he makes me crazy, Oh I might kill him Oh Oh Oh?" Christina mocked Izzie. "You want him."

"He's an asshole," Izzie explained.

"So is Alex, but that didn't keep you from sleeping with him," Christina laughed.

Alex made a 'how did I get dragged into this', face.

"Good Morning, Tara," Derek said happily.

"You didn't kill me," Tara smiled.

"No, far from it," he smiled. "Has anyone updated you?"

"No," she shook her head.

"The surgery went extremely well. The feeling in your legs should slowly start to come back over the next week. You'll have to do rehab for a few months, but I expect that you will make a full recovery." Derek explained with the smile.

"Thank you, Dr Shepard," Tara said through glassy eyes.

"No, thank you," he said softly.

"Does that mean you are going to take my advise even though I'm not dead?" Tara asked with a smile.

"I don't know," he shook his head. "Maybe," he practically whispered. "I'll be in later with the physical therapist." he smiled his McDreamy smile and turned to leave, practically running over Mark as he exited the room.

"Hey Derek," Mark said.

"Yeah," Derek answered politely.

"What are you doing tonight?" Mark wondered.

"Why are you asking me on a date?"

"Yes," Mark played along.

"I have um... something to do and then I could meet you at Joe's for a drink, if your up for it?"

"Sounds good," Mark nodded making an odd expression.

"Mark," Derek gave him a look. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he paused momentarily then broke into,"It's just the Addison thing. Is it weird for you that she's here? Because it feels pretty weird to me."

"Other than the fact that her and Meredith have been working on some secret case together and they have become best friends, oh and Addison has repeatidly insulted Rose. No its not weird at all," Derek laughed.

"It's like she walks out of our lives, and leaves us a disaster and then returns and thinks things can be the way they were before." Mark confessed.

"Speak for yourself, my disaster ended when she left." Derek laughed.

"Did it?" Mark asked with a very serious face. The most serious he had been in a long time.

"What does that mean?" Derek asked.

"I think you know," Mark said and then turned to walk away, "Joe's at 9." He shouted as he walked away.

Erica was standing next to the Nurse's station flipping through a chart. While she was on her cell phone.

"Yang," Dr Haun called to Christina.

"Dr Haun," Christina said cheerfully.

"I have heart transplant in an hour, would you prep Mr Brooks and then scrub in?" Erica asked.

"Yes, I'll get right on it," Christina said respectfully. Erica handed her the chart.

Christina practically skipped down the hallway with a smile nearly running into Izzie, "What's got into you?" Izzie asked.

"I'm the cardio queen Iz, I'm the cardio queen. two words, Heart...Transplant" Christina smiled. Izzie rolled her eyes playfully as Christina continued down the hallway. Izzie then realized that she said heart transplant. The thought of a heart transplant still gave Izzie an odd feeling.

Addison's loud voice caught her attention at the end of the hallway for a second, and then "Izzie," Callie said. Izzie turned to see Callie standing there and George standing in the distance.

"Yeah," Izzie said softly.

"I know this is weird," Callie said in her rambly nervous voice, "But I just wanted to say thank you." Izzie faked a smile and then Callie turned to walk the other way and took Georges hand, George looked back to Izzie. Izzie gave him the thumbs up and he smiled and then turned his head and walked down the hallway. The stress suddenly built up in Izzie's chest, she ran into the nearest on-call room.

"You don't even work here anymore," Dr. Pierce said.

"When I have a case here," Addison practically yelled. "I work here and I don't need a second rate intern to waste my time. You are just like all the rest of the men in this hospital cocky and self-centered,"

"You mean, the men you slept with?" Dr. Pierce asked cockily.

"Stay out of my way and stay out of my cases," Addison yelled and then stormed away. Pierce stormed into the opposite direction and then into the nearest on-call room.

He walked in and then saw Izzie' sitting there, "Sorry," he said turning to leave.

"No, it's okay, I'll leave." Izzie said heading for the door. As she reached for the door handle, Ryan grabbed her wrist softly. She looked down to his hand and then in his eyes. A rush of desire suddenly passed between them. He leaned in and passionately kissed her, she kissed him back, pushing him to the small bunk bed, he ran his hands up her shirt and then pulled it over her head. He tossed it to the floor as he kissed down her chest.

Alex walked into Meredith's house, the smell of home cooking streamed from the kitchen, Who's cooking? He thought to himself, Izzie is on call. He walked into the kitchen and found Rebbecca at the stove and Emmie in a highchair eating cheerios.

"You cook?" Alex asked with the smile.

"I do a lot of things," Rebbecca said mysteriously.

"Ahhh hah," Emmie laughed, tossing her cheerios onto the floor.

"How was work?" Rebbecca asked.

"Fine," Alex answered giving her a odd look.

"Are you hungry?" Rebbecca inquired, stirring the food.

"Not yet," Alex responded, picking the cheerios off the floor.

"Well what time does everyone get here?" Rebbecca wondered, "This is Meredith's house right?"

"Yah, she'll be home in an hour and who knows when Bambi will be here. I don't even know who lives here anymore, oh and Izzie's on-call." Alex explained.

"Well, should we hold dinner for them?" Rebbecca asked.

"Rebbecca," Alex gave her a look.

"What?" she asked.

"I'm not your husband," He said plainly.

"Damn it, Alex," She yelled, throwing her sauce cover spoon to the floor. "If I wanted a husband I would be at home."

"Then why are you acting like a wife?" He spoke.

"How am I suppose to act?" Rebbecca asked.

"I don't know, but I'm not your husband and if you think that is what I am going to be you are wrong." Alex yelled turning cold again. Emmie suddenly started crying, Rebbecca picked her up and then started to walk out of the room as she did, she passed Addison, who was standing in the hallway. "Damn it," Alex said under his breath sitting down. He looked up to see her standing there.

"Great, yet another woman who blames me for her pain and sorrow," He mumbled.

"Grow up, Alex," Addison said.

"You are back here for five minutes and think you know everything," Alex yelled standing up, "You don't know what the hell your talking about."

"I lived her for a year, and from what I pieced together, you are the only one blaming someone else for your pain and sorrow. You saved her life," Addison said pointing to the other room where she assumed Rebbecca was standing. "When she had no one, you were there. And she fell for that, and now she left her husband, and she needs you again. Maybe she shouldn't have, because god knows you send out some mixed signals," Addison laughed lightly. "But she did, she chose you and now she needs you, so you can either step up to the plate and be who she needs you to be, or you can give that little girl someone to blame her pain and sorrow on." Addison said firmly walking out of the room.

Meredith sat at one of the tall round tables in the back of Joe's bar. She tapped her foot nervously and bushed the lemon in her water around with a straw. She tried to imagine herself telling Derek. She didn't know how she was going to do it and then before she had another second to think, there he was.

"Hi," he smiled softly sitting in the chair across from her.

"Look, Derek, I'm really nervous, so I'm just going to say it," Derek's face was suddenly nervous. In that moment, she suddenly saw the look of fear in Derek's eyes. Who was she to ruin his happy life. He had a new girlfriend, he had a life without her and, he was happy. It was then, that she decided to lie, "I'm pregnant." She exhaled, "But it's not yours," His gaze shifted to the ground, "I wanted to tell you, before I started to show any more."

He sighed, "I think you'll be a great mother," he struggled to smile. "Congratulations," He stood up to leave.

"Derek," she tried to call him back, she knew he was mad, or hurt. She couldn't pin what he was, but she knew he was something.

"Meredith," he said flatly and shook his head slightly, as if to say, don't tell me anymore right now. She watched him walk out the door.

Alex walked into his bedroom, where he found Rebbecca leaning against the bed in tears. Emmie, had fallen asleep on the bed. He sat down next to her and took her hand, he played with her fingers. "I'm sorry," he whispered trying not to walk Emmie.

"It's okay," Rebbecca said, not looking at him.

"No its not," he said firmly. " I've been thinking and I can't be your husband." Alex said softly. "I don't ever expect you to have dinner for me and clean my room, or do my laundry. I don't want to be your husband right now. But I can be your boyfriend, and I can find a babysitter and I can take you out to dinner, or I can bring home a pizza or we can feed Emmie ice cream for dinner, just because we can." He smiled. Rebbecca smiled too. "I want to have fun with you. I don't want to have a boring, average marriage-like relationship. I want it to be exciting and I want to be good at it. And I'm not going to pretend its not going to be hard, because it is, but for once, I think its worth it." Alex finished with a sigh. Rebbecca kissed him.

_Once and a while, we take the advice we are given. We grow up and make the right choices._

Lexie and Addison walked in and saw the look on Meredith's face and rushed to her side. Addison shooed Lexie back for a second. "What is she doing here?" Meredith asked.

"She knows." Addison admitted.

"What?!" Meredith practically yelled. Addison made oops face. "Aw, Addison," Meredith groaned.

"You can tell your x-boyfriends, x-wife but you can't tell your sister?" Addison asked.

"She had been my sister for like five minutes," Meredith whined.

"Five minutes or not, she still cares about you," Addison explained.

"Did you tell her it was Derek's?" Meredith asked concerned.

"No, but I'm sure she assumed," Addison shrugged. Addison examined Meredith's face, "Oh no... you didn't, did you tell Derek it wasn't his baby?"

"Yes," Meredith confessed.

"Oh god," Addison said waving over Lexie.

"Meredith, I know we haven't been close for very long and I probably have no right to say this, but don't abort this baby," Lexie rambled, "I'll help you take care of it, I'll help take your shifts at work I'll..." Addison held up her hand and mouth back off a little. "Sorry," Lexie mumbled.

"She told Derek it wasn't his baby," Addison explained.

"You what?" Lexie asked.

"What was I suppose to do, he is happy and I shouldn't get to ruin that for him."

"I'm still not doing the surgery if you don't tell him it is his," Addison spoke.

"Addison," Meredith said.

"No wait, I went through something similar to this with Mark, I ended up having an abortion without even talking to him and now, I think about what my life would be like if I hadn't gone through with it. What your life would have been like. It is a decision you can't take back Meredith," Addison said sincerely.

"Addison," she practically shouted this time.

"What?" Addison asked.

"I'm not having an abortion," Meredith said.

"Your not?" Addison asked.

"Your not?" Lexie asked seconds later.

"No," she shrugged.

"Oh," Addison said a little relieved, "You still have to tell him," Addison said firmly, "Or I will."

"You wouldn't," Meredith got wide eyed.

"I wouldn't test her," Lexie said shrugging.

_Too often, we disregard what we are telling our self or what others are telling us and search for a better answer. _

Joe's door jingled open again. The sound, to this day still gave Meredith an odd feeling. It felt like yesterday that she was drunkenly sitting, waiting for Derek to walk through that door and decided that he as going to leave his wife for her. Now she was sitting with his x-wife, who was currently talking her our of aborting his baby. What a world. Meredith turned to watch Rose and Derek walk in. Meredith made accidental eye contact with Derek. Instantly both of their gazes dropped to the floor. Ironically, She's got you, by Patsy Cline, started playing on the juke box. "Lexie, go change the song," Addison whispered nudging her.Lexie didn't move, she was too busy watching Meredith watch Derek.

_A less complicated answer. A more satisfying answer. _

The door jingled again and Mark walked in, he looked at Derek and made a face and then turned to Meredith and Addison's table. He sat down in the chair, "Derek ditched me," he grumbled. Addison and Meredith gave him a dirty look.

"What?" Mark asked.

"Welcom to the club," Lexie answered.

_And on that never ending journey to find a life less complicated, we sometimes don't realize that the the best answer is the one right in front us,_

Derek and Meredith made eye contact again, though this time, it was in-tensional. She remembered this look, it was the combination of several emotions but the most prominent seemed to be desire and regret. He shifted in his seat, almost as if he was going to stand and then he settled.

_The one that had always been there._


	4. Chapter 4: All We Are

I'm BACK!! Really long chapter because I was gone fore so long! Hope I still have some readers!

S4E15: All We Are

(Song title by Matt Nathanson)

_MVO:From the moment we are born, we are comforted by specific things_

Alex rolls over to see Rebbecca standing and rocking Emmie back and forth. He stands to kiss her, "Good Morning," Alex whispered in Rebbecca's ear.

_by our standing mothers slight sway. The smell of her skin._

Callie woke up in George's arms, he kissed her fore head, "I missed you," he said softly. She smiled brightly.

_As we grow, our comforts change to more materialistic things, chicken soup, a blanket, our teddy bear._

Meredith's kitchen was yet again full of people. Addison was feeding Emmie cheerios. Meredith was pathetically sitting at the counter eating Museli, Derek's favorite cereal. Izzie, was cooking eggs, Alex was kissing Rebbecca. Which was surprisingly not weird for Addison or Izzie, it was actually quite refreshing. He seemed to really like her. They would have an amazing story if they ended up together. Moments later Christina walked through the kitchen door.

_Even as adults we are comforted by certain people, places and things._

"God, what is this like the breakfast club?"

"Hey," Meredith said.

Christina gave the cereal box a dirty look, "Who let Meredith eat this?"

"I tried to take it away from her," Addison looked up from Emmie.

Christina looked at Addison and then to the baby, "Mer, there's a baby in your kitchen?"

"I know, its Eva's-- Rebbecca's," Meredith caught herself.

"Do you live here?" Christina asked rudely. Rebbecca was too busy kissing Alex, "Okay?" Christina looked to Meredith, Meredith shrugged.

_We learn to comfort others, sometimes before ourselves._

Mark was sitting in Derek's thinking chair. He looked lost. He had been avoiding Erica sense Addison was back in town. He wasn't even sure why he was avoiding her. He knew that Addison was going to leave, and then he would be alone. Alone was something he had never been good at. He had worked so hard to build a healthy responsible relationship. Sometimes it was what he wanted, and sometimes it felt as if he was building the relationship for Addison, because it was something he should have done with her a long time ago.

_But is who we are defined by who we are when we are comfortable or is it judged by how we react in times of strife._

"That's my chair," Derek said breaking Mark's deep thought.

_Martin Luther King Jr once said, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Perhaps the challenges he rose to were a little more… well challenging._

"I'm sorry," Mark's first reaction was to stand up, and then he looked around, and gave Derek a confused face, "There are six other chairs here."

"Yes, so could you pick another," Derek said firmly. Mark smiled. "Seriously Mark, get out of the chair."

Mark stood up quickly, "What's your problem?"

Derek sat in the chair and put his head in his hands, Mark sat in the chair next to him, "Meredith's pregnant," he sighed.

"Oh," Mark tried to sound as depressed as Derek, and then he couldn't hold back, "Derek, this is great, you'll be a great father!"

"It's not mine," Derek confessed.

"Oh," Mark sounded depressed again, "are you sure?"

"That's what she said," Derek explained.

"I didn't even know she was dating anyone," Mark commented.

"It was probably a one night stand," Derek said bitterly. "She has those often enough,"

"Ouch," Mark felt Meredith's pain. They sat silently contemplating the faults of their lives before Mark spoke again. "Your upset that it's not yours," Mark pointed out what he thought was obvious.

"No, I'm upset because she can barely take care of herself. How can she take care of a baby." Derek said.

"I don't believe you. I think you know that this is going to force her to grow up and you're sad that you can't be a part of that," Mark hit the nail on the head. "You're the one that's scared this time." Mark patted Derek's shoulder and stood up and walked away.

Addison, Meredith, Alex, Izzie and Christina all walked in the hospital. "Hey can someone babysit Emmie tonight?" Alex asked as they all waited for the elevator.

Addison gave Meredith a face, and then nodded toward Alex, "I'll do it," Meredith said hesitantly. Christina and Izzie gave Meredith a face, "What?" Meredith questioned. "I can babysit," Meredith insisted.

"Okay." Christina said sarcastically wide eyed.

"I'll help you Mer," Izzie said sweetly.

"Okay," Meredith smiled.

"I won't," Christina laughed.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, it's fine, we're good," Meredith nodded. Addison flashed an approving smile in Meredith's direction. Alex and Christina turned and walked up the stairs. Izzie, Meredith and Addison got on the elevator, they went up a floor and the door opened for Mark.

"Foursome anyone?" Mark grinned.

"Yeah right," Meredith laughed.

"Why not, I think the pregnancy thing is hot," Mark said without thinking.

Meredith almost fell over, "Mark!" Addison said immediately.

"Pregnancy thing? What Pregnancy thing?" Izzie asked curiously.

"Addison's pregnant," Meredith quickly lied pointing to her.

"What?" Addison shrieked. "Why would you tell her that, who would I possibly be sleeping with?"

Mark realized that he probably shouldn't have said anything but it was too late now.

"Who would I possibly be sleeping with?" Meredith returned the question.

"Which was actually what I was wondering?" Mark asked Meredith, making it quite obvious that she was the one that was pregnant.

"Oh, God," Meredith said turning away from them.

"Meredith, you're pregnant?" Izzie yelled. "Is it Derek's?"

"Izzie," Meredith turned to her with a pained look. "No it's not Derek's, Don't tell anyone any of this okay? Especially not Christina."

"Woah," Izzie said in surprise, "I know something before Christina?"

"Yes, please don't-," Izzie cut her off.

"Never in the 2 years that I have lived with you, have I known something before Christina," Izzie cheered, "Your secret's safe with me."

"But," Addison looked to Mark.

"Mark," Meredith said firmly.

"Under one condition," He said with a smile.

"We're not going to sleep with you," Meredith said immediately.

"If Addison will go to Joe's with me tonight," Mark suggested, "I'll keep your secret."

"Done," Meredith said, as the elevator doors opened.

"Meredith," Addison cried as Meredith and Izzie got off the elevator. "Ass," Addison mumbled at him.

"Come on, it'll be fun," he smiled. "You can brag to me about the weather in LA, and I can tell you how miserable I am in the rain."

"You had a really good thing going with Erica," Addison shook her head. "And you are going to blow it."

"Addison, we're friends, that's it, Erica's not going to mind." Mark said just as the elevator, opened to Erica standing there.

"Can I ask what, or was I not suppose to hear that?" Erica asked confidently.

"If I go get drink with Addison tonight?" Mark said.

"Are you going to sleep with her," Erica asked forwardly.

"No!" Addison answered.

"Then no, I am fine with you going to Joe's with Addison," The elevator doors opened and they all got off.

"Two incoming ambulances, with head traumas and a third is an attempted suicide, he jumped off a building." Bailey explained to Meredith, Izzie and Alex.

"I'll take Suicide guy," Alex called.

"Why?" Meredith asked giving him a confused face.

"I figure, he wanted to die anyway, so if I kill him, it won't be too hard to handle." Alex smiled sinisterly.

"God, you are morbid," Izzie said in disgust.

"Speaking of, I'm pretty sure he hates me today," Meredith said as the ambulances started to pull in.

"Alex?" Izzie asked.

"No, God," Meredith clarified.

"Okay?" Izzie said. "I have so many questions right now."

"Not now Iz," Meredith quieted her.

Bailey signaled Meredith over, "Amanda White," the paramedic stared rolling in the young women, "Twenty two, she was in a car accident, her head went through the passenger window. 28 weeks pregnant."

"For real?" Meredith mumbled to herself taking Amanda's chart.

"Elena Parker, Twenty Seven, hit her head on the steering wheel, was unconscious when we found her. She is 5 1/2 Months pregnant," The Paramedic rolled her in.

"Or maybe god hates Derek," Izzie laughed, taking Elena's chart.

"Someone page Dr Shepard, these head traumasare pretty extensiveve," Bailey said ordering a Nurse to do it. "Meredith, take her to trauma room two," Bailey ordered, "Izzie, room three."

"Bailey," Izzie, said.

"What?" Bailey asked.

"Have them page Dr Montgomery too."

Bailey gave her a weird look, "Addison's back?"

"Where have you been?" Meredith asked pushing the gurney into the trauma room.

Addison and Derek both went for the elevator at the same time. They almost touched hands reaching to press it. Addison pulled back, "Go ahead," she said. Derek gave her a dirty look, "What is that for."

"Meredith tells you she's pregnant and you don't tell me," Derek asked slightly angry.

"I'm not talking to you about this. I don't want to tell you anything I'm not suppose to," Addison raised her hands.

"What does that mean?" Derek asked in confusion.

"We are not married anymore Derek, I don't have to tell you anything. Meredith trusted me and I am going to be a good friend."

"Friend? You do realize I had sex with her while we were married?"

"Yah and I had sex with Mark and he is your best friend again. In fact you told him about Meredith," Addison pursed her lips.

"Go back to LA," Derek said as the elevator doors opened.

"Don't be so stupid," Addison said bitterly.

"Addison, Derek," Bailey called anxiously. "Two cases, both pregnant, both head trauma's, hope you two aren't fighting because its going to be a long day."

"Great," Derek groaned walking toward Trauma room 3.

"Welcome back," Bailey said sarcastically.

"You just can't win today," Addison laughed following him. "All that we need now is-"

Derek walked into the room. "Meredith," Derek said knowing his day officially couldn't get any worse.

"Can we just work, Derek, please," Meredith said.

"Fine," he said not looking at her.

"This is going to be fun," Addison said.

"Amanda White, Twenty two, car accident victim, her head went through the passenger seat window. 28 weeks pregnant."

"Miss White, can you hear me?" Derek asked. She didn't respond.

Addison pulled the sonogram machine into the room, while Derek did a series of Neuro tests.

"Dr. Grey, can you do the sonogram, I am going to do an exam and make sure there is no bleeding."

"Yeah sure," Meredith said half professionally, half pissed off, flashing Derek an annoyed look.

"Uh," Amanda groaned awake. "Is my baby," she stuttered, " is my baby okay?"

"We are doing some tests right now Miss White," Addison said. "Is there anyone you would like us to contact, a husband, boyfriend?"

"Well you could call my x-boyfriend but he'd probably be a little surprised to hear he is going to be a daddy." Amanda said, Addison looked to Meredith trying desperately not to laugh.

"Okay," she smiled.

"How is your sight?" Derek asked seriously.

"Pretty good," Amanda said.

"Any head ache," Derek asked.

"Not so much, a little dizziness," Amanda explained.

"Can you wiggle your toes for me?" Derek asked and watched as she did. "Okay," he touched her shoulder lightly, "right now it looks like the most important thing is your baby, so I am going to let Dr Montgomery and Dr Grey, do their job and I'll be back to check on you within the hour." Derek flashed his McDreamy smile and then left.

"Ouch," Amanda suddenly called out, holding her stomach.

"Okay, Miss White from what I can see here the baby is in distress. Addison, take a look at this," Meredith pushed the sonogram machine in her direction. Addison flipped through the pictures and pursed her lips.

"We are going to start a drip, to try and stop your pre-term labor." Addison said rushing to start the drip. Amanda suddenly put her hand to her head and groaned softly.

"Does your head hurt Miss White," Meredith asked.

"I'm… I'm," Amanda's eyes rolled back slightly and flickered closed.

"Page, Derek Shepard," Meredith called out to the nurse. Within moments Derek was back in the room.

"What's going on," he quickly went to Amanda's side.

"She lost consciousness about 3 minutes ago and is in pre-term labor," Meredith explained.

"Okay lets get her down for a CT and MRI and go from there," Derek said to Addison and Meredith.

Izzie was standing in front of trauma room three, waiting for Derek to come back. She still couldn't believe that Meredith was pregnant. More than that, she couldn't believe it wasn't Derek's baby. Despite everything they had gone through and even the fact that he had a new girlfriend, he had to be crushed. Izzie wondered if she was the only one who thought that.

"Guess what," Ryan whispered in Izzie's ear, sending chills down her spine. "my resident is out again today. You are stuck with me." He smiled as she turned around.

"Listen, I don't know what yesterday… that was… but its never happening again," Izzie said firmly.

"I don't believe you," he said with a grin. "You can't resist me."

"Please," Izzie tossed him a chart and then walked away.

"See you had to walk away…" Izzie turned back and gave him a dirty look and walked toward him again. " I knew you weren't the one night stand kind of girl." He said loudly. She pulled him into the staircase.

"Stop. Stop. Stop," she practically yelled. "Our relationship is strickly professional. I don't know what happened the other day, but its not going to happen again, ever! So you can stop the flirty little act and get your ass back to work. I am your boss and you will do what I say, when I say it. Do you understand me?" he didn't look at her, "Look at me," she practically yelled. He looked up, "Do you understand me."

"Yes," he said a little overwhelmed by her authority. He watched her walk away and couldn't help but smile.

"So, I was thinking that in we could go out to dinner tonight," George smiled spoon feeding Callie chocolate pudding.

"Um," she swallowed, "I think that's a great idea." She kissed him.

"Good," he smiled.

"I think we should buy a house," Callie said.

"Or what if we took Christina's apartment?" George suggested, "And then Christina could move in with Meredith."

"huh…" Callie thought for a second, "That's actually a good idea."

"Way to sound surprised." George laughed, Callie laughed too and then her pager went off.

"Gotta go," she smiled, kissed him and then walked away.

"Hey," Izzie cheerfully tapped George's shoulder. "Best friend."

"Hey you seen Meredith?" George asked with a concerned tone.

"Oh my god, you know about the baby too?"

"What baby," George asked in confusion.

"Damn," Izzie groaned.

George suddenly put the pieces together, "Oh my god, is Meredith pregnant?"

"Nooo…" Izzie lied obviously. "Okay, okay listen, no one, no one knows this. And we are only talking about it because we are best friends again," she practically sung it.

"Is it Derek's?" George asked curiously.

"No!" Izzie shrieked in confusion. "What the hell is that right?"

"More like, who the hell does it belong to?" George laughed.

"I missed you," Izzie laughed. "Ready for lunch Best friend?" she smiled brightly opening the lunch room door. They joined Alex at the table in the far corner.

"Are you sleeping together again," Alex asked between bits.

"Shut up, Alex," Izzie said bitterly. George walked to pick up a napkin.

"Where's Chrisitna?" Alex asked with a mouth full.

"I don't know," Izzie shrugged opening up her home packed lunch. George sat back down.

"How about Meredith?" Alex wondered if she was coming to lunch.

"You know too?" Izzie shrieked.

"Know--" Alex began, George cut him off.

"Why was I the last to know that Meredith is pregnant?" George burst.

"What? Shepard finally knocked her up?" Alex laughed.

"George!" Izzie shrieked again, "He didn't know."

"Know what?" Christina asked sitting down.

"Meredith is-" Alex looked to Izzie who was shaking her head hysterically. "Why are you shaking your head at me?" Alex asked her. "Ohh- Christina doesn't know that Meredith is knocked up?"

"No way," Christina laughed. The entire table was silent.

Meredith leaned against the wall, watching Derek and Addison fight.

"Look, I have to do brain surgery, I think that the mother should be before the baby."

"Not if the mother wants to save her babies life." Addison said.

"Amanda is not going to make it through that surgery." Derek yelled.

"Her baby will not make it through brain surgery," Addison yelled back.

"Hey!" Meredith yelled. "Let's do it at the same time. It's hard on both of them either way."

"Fine," Derek gave in, walking to scrub in.

"I can't handle him anymore," Addison put her hand to her head.

"Dr Stevens," Ryan nodded as they passed each other in the stair case

"Dr Pierce," she returned the same nod.

"Oh," he turned back, " I forgot, these are the labs for your patients." He handed them to her with a friendly professional smile. It sent butterflies to Izzie's stomach.

"Thanks," she said softly, not able to look away from him. She dropped the chart, it fell down the first flight of stairs. She leaned in and kissed him. After quite a long kiss, Izzie pulled away, covered her lips, as if covering them would erase what she had just done and then sprinted down the stairs.

The restaurant was dimly lit and there was a candle at every table. George was wearing a fancy dress shirt and Callie was wearing a dark red dress.

"Meredith is pregnant," George told Callie over their romantic dinner, "Did you know that?'

"What? NO?" Callie said in shock.

"Anyway, that wasn't the point. I was thinking, that maybe we could start trying again." He smiled nervously.

"Yeah," Callie smiled brightly. "I would like that."

"I talked to Christina today about the apartment idea," George started, "and she seems to be kinda mad at Meredith. Not sure why but we might have to find a new apartment, or house."

"I'm sure we'll find somewhere," Callie nodded touching his hand. Callie's look suddenly changed from comforting to almost devilish, "George," she squirmed slightly in her seat.

"What if we ditch dinner and get room service. Start trying right now?" She smiled

"Waiter," he put his hand up.

Derek and Meredith were standing in the scrub room, a little bit after Miss White's surgery.

"Damn it Meredith, you can't do things like that."

"Me?" she yelled. " Me?" She changed her tone and yelled again. " I didn't do anything. I was doing my job, the patient and her baby are fine because of me and Addison." she started to walk away and turn back. "Just because you are mad at me for some ridiculous reason, doesn't mean you get to blame your mistakes in surgery on me. So lets just do this now. What is this really about Derek?" Meredith yelled.

"It's about you sleeping around again and getting pregnant. I knew it would catch up with you someday and I just want to know when you are going to grow up and stop acting like you are 17," he said bitterly.

"This," she touched her stomach, "is my problem, not yours so why don't you do your job and mind your own business. You are not a part of my life anymore, and I will deal with things on my own."

"You can't do this by yourself Meredith," he said like she was insane to think she could.

"You don't get to tell me that. You have a new life and I don't blame you for it. I wasn't ready. But now that you moved on you don't get to tell me what I can't do," Her voice cracked with emotion, "For once in my life, Derek, I think I can do this. I could have gone the easy way and not had this baby, but I am. I am having this baby and its going to be the hardest thing I've ever done but I am going to do it anyway. And I know its ridiculous for me to want this baby but… I do," she cracked a teary smile, "and I am not going to let anybody take that away from me." A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Meredith," he said softly.

"Just don't." sighed and started to walk away, "Just don't"

Addison sat at Joe's, next to the man that had crushed her heart on more than one occasion. "What am I doing here?" Addison asked looking at Mark.

"You are convincing Meredith to keep her baby," Mark twirled the scotch in his glass.

"Yes, yes I am," she sighed, "but what am I doing with you?"

"Getting drunk," he laughed. She looked at him with a serious expression. "Addison," he said softly. "I miss you." Addison felt as if the glow in Mark's eyes burned through her skin. It sent tingles to her stomach, a feeling she had hoped to avoid on her trip back to Seattle. With his soft words, there eyes seemed to drift closer. Suddenly they were trapped and couldn't break eye contact. "Let's go," Mark mumbled not looking away from her. Everything inside of her was telling her to walk away from him, and go back to Meredith's house but the look in his eyes, was begging her to stay. Moments later, she took his hand and they got up to leave.

"We'll be fine," Meredith said nervously, "really we will."

"Oh kay, well you have my cell and Alex's, if you need us." Rebbecca said walking out the door. As the door shut, Emmie started to cry. "Oh, oh," Meredith ran over to her. She picked her up, "It's okay," she bounced her on one hip. She still cried, "What about some ice cream, do you want some ice cream?" Meredith asked playfully bouncing her. "Yah? You want some," Meredith said in a baby voice. Emmie was quiet. Meredith walked them to the kitchen and put Emmie in her high chair. She pulled the ice cream out of the refrigerator and turned to find Christina in the doorway. She dropped the gallon, startled.

"When were you going to tell me?" Christina asked.

"Tell you what?"

"Right," Christina said under her breath and turned to walk the other way. "We were barely friends and I told you about my abortion and now I'm the last to know about yours."

"I'm not having an abortion," Meredith picked the gallon of chocolate ice cream off the floor.

"What?" Christina shrieked. "Are you insane? You can't really think you can raise this baby with this job."

"My mother did it."

"No, your father did it and when your mother took over she ruined you," Christina said straightly. Meredith started to tear up.

"This is why I didn't tell you, because I knew you would react like this. I wanted this to be my decision. I knew that you would try to force yours on me if I told you earlier. I'm not having an abortion, I want this baby and if you can't respect that… well than you're not who I thought you were." she turned her back and started scooping the ice cream, Emmie cheered. Christina looked down at her.

"Who are you Meredith? What happened to surgery hungry, sleep with your boss, nothing gets in my way, extraordinary, Meredith?"

"She got pregnant," Meredith yelled throwing the ice cream scooper in the sink. Emmie started to cry.

"Oh, good mother you'll be." Christina said sarcastically.

"Get out," Meredith pointed toward the door, she turned back to the sink and started to cry. She pulled herself together and walked back to Emmie and forced herself to smile. She gently wiped Emmie's tears away and fed her a bit of ice cream.

Moments later Izzie walked through the kitchen door.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hi," Meredith smiled.

"You okay?" Izzie asked.

"Yeah," Meredith answered. "Aren't we Emmie," she said feeding her another bit. "Yes we are," she said in baby talk.

"Okay do remember that night," Izzie said sitting next to her, "You had just told me you had a real thing for Derek, and I don't even remember what was wrong with me but I was made cake and you were eating it with a fork," Izzie made a confused face, "Or maybe it was me. But anyway, someone was eating the whole cake with a fork and we were telling each other things."

"Yes," Meredith answered wiping her eyes.

"Can we have one of those nights tonight?" she asked.

"Yes" Meredith laughed.

"Okay I'm gonna go first, because my problems are tiny compared to your," Izzie said and then realized that probably wasn't what Meredith needed, "Sorry."

"It's okay," Meredith laughed.

"I slept with my intern," Izzie said and then covered her mouth, "and then I kissed him in the staircase."

Meredith laughed, "Oh, Iz."

"I know right," Izzie said. "You were in this position, you tell me, do I stop this now?"

"Do you like him?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, I think I do. He's cocky and most of the time he's a bastard but then he smiles and you just know that he would never let anything happen to you."

"Oh you like him," Meredith laughed.

"Emmie! Izzie's in love," Meredith played. "Ot oh,"

"Ot, Oh," Emmie mocked.

"I think you should go for it. You only live once, why not sleep with your intern," Meredith laughed. "Really," Meredith said seriously, "What you are basically asking me is if I should have ended things with Derek in the beginning, before anything got complicated," Meredith exhaled. "And as much as I'd like to say I should have, I'd never do it, because we had twice as many good times as we did bad." Meredith's voice cracked again with emotion.

"It's his baby isn't it." Izzie stated.

"Iz, I don't know what to do," Meredith cried. Izzie put her arm around Meredith.

"Everyone is giving me their opinions, have the baby, don't have the baby, your crazy if you have this baby, your crazy if you don't have this baby. I don't want to listen to it anymore!"

"What do you want to do," Izzie asked softly, Meredith realized that Izzie was the first person who had asked her that.

"I want to have this baby, and I know it's stupid to think that I can have a career and be a single mother and I don't think I can do that. My mother chose her career over me, and I resent her for it. Maybe if she had been my mother instead of a surgeon, maybe I wouldn't have been so messed up. So this is my chance to either be my mother, or be a better mother than she was."

_We are all good people when we have nothing to fight. When we have no problems, no reasons to yell or hate, but how often does that happen? Our defining moments are made of the choices we make in the most challenging times of our lives._

Mark looked into Addison's eyes and touch her face gently. He felt chills on her arms. He rubbed his hands slowly up her arms and then leaned in to kiss her. He kissed her passionately. She kissed him back, she had missed him so much. How could she have ever left this. Yes she had feelings for Pete, but she wasn't sure they were real. Maybe she was just trying to replace Mark. He kissed down her neck and then froze.

_Whether we follow the path we have always taken, or choose to take a better one._

He pulled away, how could he do this to Erica. He was really falling for her and he was going to ruin it for the woman who ran from him and would run again at her first chance.

"Addison, I'm sorry," he sighed pulling away from her. "I can't, I just can't," he kissed her forehead and walked away.

As he shut the door to the hotel room, she realized that he had finally changed. He was now a truly good man, for that she was happy, but she was sad, that she wasn't the women he was going home to right now.

_If we remember that others are not the only ones at fault, and take a little of the blame ourselves._

_The truth is, fighting is the easy part. It's everything else that's difficult. It's easy to blame and hate and yell and cry and throw things, but it's not easy to take it back._

Callie and George are peacefully laying in bed. George is stroking her head lightly, they are both staring at the ceiling, their minds filling with all the reasons they had fallen in love with each other. They were both unable to recall the reasons they had fallen apart. George leans in and kisses her.

_Most of the time there is no going back. No fixing things, so when life gives you a chance. You should take it, because it only comes once._

Alex and Rebbecca are sitting at the table in the restaurant just looking into each others eyes. It was amazing how they had been through so much together in such a short amount of time. To Rebbecca, Alex, felt like Emmie's father more than her real father did. Alex had been there her husband had not. Maybe that was her fault, but it didn't matter. She was in love with Alex.

_It's life's way of letting us know, we can be better people than we are being._

Derek stared at Meredith's house, he felt like it was yesterday that he was leaving after their 'one night stand'. He could almost see himself walking down the front stairs. Then he realized he was leaning against his car. He pictured her drunkenly dancing on the porch. He smiled. God what am I doing here, he thought.

_But like I said, second chances only happen once in a while and most of the time our character is measured by our only chance,_

Derek breathed in deep and then started to head toward Meredith's house, he froze mid yard, remembering the feeling of kissing her there. He took one long look at her house, he sighed heavily. He walked back toward his car, reached for the car door handle, looked to the house again and then opened the car door, got in and drove away.

_If we stand on the wrong side in that moment, we have lost who we are._


	5. Chapter 5: Love is a Battlefield

_S4E16: Love is a Battlefield_

_Love comes unexpectedly,_

Meredith's alarm clock ticks to 6:30 and then goes off. She instantly smacks it off and rolls over to make sure it didn't wake Emmie. It didn't, she was still peacefully sleeping.

_we can never really know, what brings two people together, or tears others apart, or makes it impossible to forget someone._

Derek is sitting on the front porch of his trailer, watching the sunrise. It's easy to see that he is stressed about something. Rose joins him on the porch, he stands up and goes inside. She sighs and rests her head on her hand.

_Perhaps it has something to do with our chemical reactions, or maybe its merely fate. And maybe it's a mix of both._

Mark and Erica walked into the hospital together, Mark had his arm around her shoulders. Addison drifted behind them.She watched them for a moment and then turned to go up the stairs.

_Jane Austin once wrote, "Is not general incivility the very essence of love?" When it comes to love, the world is like a ticking clock, a time bomb just waiting to explode. We push away our feelings and mask them with other emotions or acts, hate, rudeness, disrespect._

"Are you okay?" Lexie asked as she passed her on the stairs.

"Fine," Addison instantly responded.

"I don't believe you," Lexie smiled turning to follow her up the stairs.

"I'm just ready to go back to LA," Addison said leaning against the railing.

"Can I come with you," Lexie laughed.

"Oh its not much different than here," Addison remembered, "People denying their still in love, fighting, sex and surgery," Addison smiled, "is there anything else?"

"No," Lexie agreed, "you pretty much covered it." She sighed. "Is there something about hospitals that just turns us all into teenagers again?"

"Truth or Dare," Addison smiled.

"Truth. Lexie played along.

"How many people that work in the hospital have you slept with?"

"One," Lexie laughed.

"What?" Addison said surprised, "Who?"

"Alex," Lexie said embarrassed.

"Ha," Addison said.

"How about you?" Lexie asked.

"Alex," Addison did a cheers in the air, "Mark, and Derek."

"I don't quite know how to respond to that, without sounding rude," Lexie laughed.

"Wow, Addison you really get around is appropriate," Addison mocked herself.

"Nah," Lexie said like a little kid, "Derek was your husband and… yah actually Addison you really get around," Lexie laughed

"Shut up, at least I'm not mini Grey," Addison joked.

Meredith practically ran into Amanda White's room. She was late because she had let Alex and Rebecca sleep and fed Emmie breakfast before coming in to work. She was assigned to Amanda for post-op monitoring. She checked the heart rate monitor in her room and then walked to the Nurse's station and pulled her chart.

"You're late," Derek smiled, attempting to pretend like they were going to be best friends.

"Yah about three months," she said bitterly, clearly not in the mood for his jokes. She took Amanda's chart and walked away.

As she walked away, Derek contemplated her words. 3 months he thought, does that mean she's three months pregnant… Maybe he was reading in to it too much.

"I was happy to hear that you and O'Malley are back together," Erica said to Callie in the elevator.

"Thanks," Callie said uncomfortably, " I was happy to hear about you an Mark."

"Maybe we could all grab a drink at Joe's together," Erica suggested.

"Ah… probably not a good idea. I uhh slept with Mark when George and I were on a break. They don't really get along."

"God this is like high school," Erica laughed.

"But we could get a drink," Callie laughed, "I mean if you can get over the fact that have slept with your boyfriend." Erica laughed. The elevator doors opened, Mark was standing there.

"Morning Ladies," he smiled.

Callie rolled her eyes and walked to exit the elevator, "We'll talk later about Joe's," Erica smiled.

Erica ran her hand down, Mark's arm and then exited the elevator.

Mark smiled, the elevator doors shut.

Meredith, Addison and Lexie walked into the cafeteria, it was easy to tell that people had found out that Meredith was pregnant. The cafeteria was whispering and gawking at her as if she were some kind of circus freak. The three of them sat down at the table.

"Since when do you two sit with us," Alex gave Lexie and Addison a dirty look.

"Shut up, Alex," Izzie said with a mouthful of blueberry yogurt.

"Looks like your out numbered," Christina laughed, "You've slept with more than half the table."

"Just half," Meredith groaned giving Christina a dirty look.

"Well that's surprising, you've slept with everyone else," Christina returned the look.

"Christina!"

Meredith stood up to leave the table, "No," Christina waved her back down, "I'll leave, wouldn't want to over work your pregnant self."

Meredith instantly stood up practically throwing her chair across the cement, "Why are you being such a bitch? I didn't expect you to understand but I expected you to respect my choice. You are supposed to be my friend, my person… what happened to that Christina?" Meredith yelled and turned to look at everyone else, who were stunned that Meredith was flipping out in front of the whole cafeteria. "I know it's ridiculous, but I want this baby. Maybe I will screw it up, but look at us, how many of our parents didn't screw us up in some way. So can everybody just stop, stop looking at me as pathetic pregnant, boyfriend-less Meredith. I don't need any of you to tell me what a mess I got myself into, and that I am crazy for keeping this baby, I already know. I have to walk into this hospital everyday and watch the man I love be with someone else again and maybe it's my fault but I don't care who broke up with who or how many times he hurt me or how many times I hurt him. He will always be the mine before anyone else's." She turned around to find Derek and Rose standing in the cafeteria line listening to her flip out. "Damn it," she mumbled through tears and ran from the cafeteria.

"Meredith," Derek ran after her dropping his sandwich on the ground and leaving Rose behind.

"Derek," She yelled in mid-step practically causing him to run into her. "Just don't right now. For real this time, just leave me alone, I need a minute."

"Meredith," he said again.

"Just give me a minute," she yelled. He turned and walked away from her.

"Dude did you see that?" Ryan asked Izzie as she left the cafeteria.

"Don't call me dude," Izzie said firmly, "and didn't everyone see that."

"Are you like imbarrassed to be her friend right now."

"Like how old are you?" Izzie laughed mocking him.

"Sorry," he smiled. "Does she still love him?" Ryan asked sensitively.

"Wow," Izzie smiled, "I wouldn't have pegged you for a sensitive guy."

"I'm all kinds of things, Isabelle, all kinds of things." He smiled and ran his hand across her back, his pager went off and he turned to walk down the hallway.

"Isabelle?" She questioned him with a smile as he walked away. He turned around and shrugged with his rugged smile.

Derek had retreated to his spot on the outside porch on the second floor of the hospital. He ran his hands through his hair and then let them bang into the cement wall. He heard the door open behind him and he turned to find Rose standing there.

"Not right now Rose," He said gruffly turning away from her.

"When Derek?" She raised her voice. "Meredith just screamed her love for you in front of the whole cafeteria and you run after her and left me there."

"Rose just please not right now," he insisted not looking at her. She slammed the door as she went inside. Minutes later the door opened again, "Rose, just go away," he yelled turning to find Mark standing there. Derek just turned back around.

"That was pretty rough," Mark smiled squeezing his shoulder.

"I don't know what to do anymore." Derek sighed.

"Well, you aren't going to tell me that you are surprised that she still loves you?"

"No, I'm not," his voice cracked slightly, "but it's always too late and isn't that a sign that its not suppose to be."

"Why is it too late now," Mark asked.

"Because she's pregnant," Derek spoke pained, "and because I'm with Rose but,"

"But what?" Mark questioned him.

"For the most part, with Meredith, I was a good man. With Rose, I feel like the man I was when I was with Addison. I was distant and indifferent and I never took time to talk to her and so she slept with you."

"If you're scared I'll sleep with Rose," Mark laughed, "That's not going to happen." Derek smiled. "You are a better man with Meredith."

"But it's too la-"

"Listen, I know too late when I see it and you and Meredith," he shrugged, "It will never be too late."

Ryan walked up to Izzie, who was standing at the entrance of the hospital, she had just finished talking to a patients family. "You are hard to find," Ryan said sounding out of breathe. "My shift is over in an hour and I was hoping that… do you want to go get a drink with me. There's a bar across the street."

Izzie smiled, "Joe's," she nodded. "I'll met you there about 7:30?"

"Yeah," Ryan nodded and started to walk away.

"Oh and Ryan," she said firmly, he turned around, "If you tell anyone about this, you die."

Ryan pretend to zip his lips and throw away the key and then continued up the stairs.

"Hey," Callie said touching George's arm.

"Wife," he smiled.

"Husband," she smiled. "I am going to go get a drink with Erica tonight, so I was thinking that you could maybe go to Meredith's or something."

"Kiss me," Callie gave him a weird face.

"Why?" she practically laughed.

"Because you are the best wife in the world." Callie leaned in and kissed him. "You better wait up for me," she said with a sexy smile.

"Oh, don't worry I will," George said wishing they were home already.

"Derek," Rose called to him. He pretended like he didn't hear her and ran into the nearest on-call room. He stress fully fell to the bunk bed and put the pillow over his face.

Addison and Mark were leaning against the nurse's station, the same one that they had made the 60 sex-less days bet. Out of complete silence Addison looked to Mark, "You really are a good man."

"Addison," he said softly.

"Not that you weren't before, you always had good intensions but now you are just… you're the man I always wished you were."

"Stop," he put up his hand, as if it would block her words from getting to him. "You don't get to do this."

"What?" Addison asked confused.

"You don't get to walk in and out of my life whenever you want to," he practically yelled it. "You just left, no goodbye, no phone number, you just left."

"What was I suppose to do, I had no life here. I wanted to try with you and you were still the guy that slept with anything in a skirt! You lost the bet, that was it, it was over."

"You lost the bet!" He said angrily. "You lost the bet."

"What, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing," he tried to walk away, she held him back.

"Mark," she held his arm.

"I didn't sleep with anyone, I went 60 days, just like we planned, because you, you were worth it. You were everything to me. And then you slept with Alex and I thought if you didn't want me, you should have to feel bad about it and so I lied."

Addison sat stunned for a minute, "I'm sorry Mark."

"It's not enough," he yelled. "It's always I'm sorry… I'm sorry it was a mistake, I'm sorry I got an abortion without asking you, I'm sorry I am going after Derek! It's not enough anymore. It took everything in me to walk away last night. So stop telling me I'm a good man because I'm not, I'm in love with you and I am with Erica, I'm not a good man!"

Addison's hand trembled as she reached for his, he pulled away. "Mark," she reached for him again, he stood and walked away, trying to hide the emotion in his face. Addison walked into the on-call room and slammed the door behind her. She turned and realized that Derek was lying on the bed. "You look about as Happy as me," she grumbled and sat next to him on the bed. "It's like everything is okay and then you blink and it's a mess again."

"hmh," Derek sighed and nodded lightly. "What are we going to do"

"Me, I'm going to go back to LA where everything is bright and shiny and everyone is messed up." Addison smiled, "and you… you are going to be okay," Addison touched his hand softly.

"I think everything is too far gone. What if it's too late to fix it," Derek said softly.

"Then you don't fix it, you tear it down and rebuild it," Addison answered she stood up and touched the door and then looked back, "if this is about Meredith," she started softly she looked behind her like someone was standing there and then looked back to him. "things are better then you think they are."

He sat up, "What does that mean?"

Addison shrugged, and broke eye contact. He had known her most of his life and in her wordless answer to that question, he knew exactly what it meant.

Meredith was sitting in the intern locker room staring at her old locker. She suddenly felt someone next to her. She didn't even need to look to know who it was.

"So much has changed since the day we walked in here," Meredith sighed softly.

"I know," Christina responded in the same tone.

"This is Lexie's locker now," Meredith laughed not looking away from it.

"I'm sorry about last night," Christina said sincerely. Meredith looked at her like she was insane. Christina rarely apologized for anything, and when she did, it was usually sarcastic or forced. This time, it was very sincere and soft.

"Christina," Meredith's voice broke suddenly with emotion, "I know you don't like kids, and I don't expect you to be involved in this baby's life. It doesn't need you, but I do. I can't do this without you. You're my person."

"Okay," Christina said softly and rested her head on Meredith's shoulder.

"Stevens," Erica nodded.

'Hey Izzie," Callie said trying her best to be civil.

"You slept with her husband and she's still nice to you." Ryan laughed.

"I'm really a good person," Izzie smiled.

"You're not that good." Ryan made a devilish face.

"Shut up," Izzie squealed.

"What do you say we get out of here, Isabelle?"

"If you stop calling me Isobelle," Izzie practically yelled.

"Fine," Ryan pouted.

_Maybe general incivility isn't the very essence of love. What if it's just a starting point. A phase for us to express the passion for someone in any way possible. And when that phase passes, and we finally get a chance to utter how we truly feel, we are left with a passion of a different sort._

Meredith sat on the stairs, the very same stairs that Derek had pulled her into the moment she realized he was her boss. She was on-call tonight, and was spending most of her time bouncy from place to place, remembering all that she could. She was feeling sad today, and hormonal. Derek suddenly walked up the stairs from the level below her.

"So were you just not going to tell me?" Derek asked bitterly.

"Tell you what?" Meredith sniffled and returned his question flatly.

"That it is my baby," Derek said heavily.

Meredith looked up at him surprised by his words. "It's not," Meredith lied badly.

"Damn it Meredith," he yelled, throwing his hand against the railing of the staircase.

She stood up, now angry, "What was I suppose to do Derek? You had a new life, a real relationship. It wouldn't have been fair of me to say, Hey guess what, hate to ruin your fun but you knocked me up!" Meredith yelled.

"What's not fair is that you were just not going to tell me. Have this baby and not let me be a part of its life." Derek yelled. "You're ridiculous Meredith."

"I'm ridiculous?" she yelled at him. "I'm ridiculous?"

"When is this going to end?" Derek yelled back at her.

"It ended a long time ago," she spat back bitterly.

"No," he shook his head looking down at the ground and then looked back up at her, "when is this going to end?" he asked pointing around them. "What's not fair,"his voice cracked with emotion, "what's not fair is that you make me crazy and everything we have is unhealthy and difficult but I try to walk away and…and I feel like I'm not me anymore. I turn into the man I used to be, the man I ran away from. And most of the time I love you and I hate you in the same breath and this isn't about the baby because if you weren't pregnant right now this would have happened sometime anyway, because I don't love Rose. I thought I loved the idea of Rose, yah everything is easy and happily freaking ever after but it's not enough. I would rather have things be hard with you, than easy with someone else.

"Derek," she said softly, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"No, wait, I'm the one that is scared this time Meredith, when you told me about the baby, I was terrified that you would grow up without me. I liked to pretend it was all you but it wasn't, I wasn't ready either. And for the record, I think you will be a great mom and you know what if you had to do this alone, you could. But you don't have to do this alone and I know half the time we hurt each other but what if that was just something we had to go through to get us to here, Meredith I-" she cut him off.

"Marry me," she said through teary eyes.

_and at the end of the day, we let our our vulnerability show and simply learn to love._


	6. Chapter 6: I Walk the Line

_S4E17: I Walk the Line_

_The legendary Johnny Cash once sang, "Because you're mine, I walk the line," Referring to his first wife. The one he had married before the fame and fortune. He vowed to walk the line, because she was his wife. And even with the thousands of women falling at his feet, he was doing quite well, and then he met June._

Meredith was lying in bed, she stood up and looked in the mirror. For the first time she turned to the side and admired her growing stomach. As she did she recalled the night before.

(Flashback)

"Meredith," Derek said softly. "This isn't how this should be." He shook his head shifting his stance slightly, "You shouldn't have to always be the other women, you are too good for that. It should be just you and me and I should sweep you off your feet and get down on one knee and give you the most beautiful ring you have ever seen and it should be in a fancy restaurant or something, not in the stairwell at the hospital." He smiled at her. "Not that I am saying no because, Meredith nothing would make me happier than marrying you. To raise our baby together," he touched her stomach, it gave her a tingly butterfly', "and grow old together." He smiled. " And we will have that, but we… I have put you through too much to have this not be the perfect moment for you." He kissed her softly.

She smiled at the thought of the events of the night before, she changed quickly and then headed out the door.

Rose followed Derek into the elevator,

"What happened last night Derek? I thought we had plans?"

"I'm sorry, something came up," he said and then quickly pushed something on his phone. A few seconds later it rang. "I'm sorry Rose, I have to take this." He answered it. "Yes, I understand that, I have a few surgeries scheduled for today, so I will have to plan a consult for tomorrow." The elevator doors opened. Rose walked out and then disappeared down the hallway.

"Derek what are you talking about?" Addison's voice could be heard through the phone and then outside the elevator door. She glanced down the hall and then saw Rose. "Your avoiding Rita aren't you."

"Rose," Derek corrected.

"Right," Addison answered.

"and no I just wanted to talk to you," Derek lied.

"About a fake consult for a fake patient?" Addison asked.

"Yes," Derek laughed.

"You talk to Meredith lately?" Addison asked curiously.

"hmm maybe," Derek said mysteriously.

"What?!" Addison chased him as the elevator doors opened.

"Goodbye Addison," Derek said disappearing into a patients room.

Cristina knocked on Richard's door.

"Chief, you wanted to see me," Cristina entered his office.

"Yes, Dr Yang, have a seat," Richard responded. "You have been offered to participate in an advanced cardio program in New York. It is actually through the same hospital that Mark, Addison and Derek were in. I have taught there myself. It is a fantastic program. Here are the papers that they sent over for you to look at, tell me if you have any questions." He explained handing her the papers, "and Cristina, they need an answere as soon as possible."

Addison looked up from her chart, to find Mark hovering over Erica across the room. She watched them a moment and then Erica walked away happily, Marks eyes met hers. She cleared her throat and looked down uncomfortably.

He watched her for a moment, aware that she was pained, "Addison," he said softly approaching her desk.

"Dr. Sloan," she said bitterly, "can I help you with something?"

"No," he sighed and turned to walk away, hesitated, turned back looked her in the eye and then walked away.

Moments later Addison got up and walked away too.

Meredith put her tray on the lunch table full of her friends.

"You're going to start waddling soon," Izzie joked, as Meredith sat down at the lunch table.

"Shut up! Am I even showing?" Meredith asked concerned

"A little," Lexie smiled.

"In tighter clothes, its more obvious," Addison added in, joining the table.

"You're face is rounder," Alex announced through a bit of Izzie's yogurt.

"Rounder?" Meredith questioned them.

"Yeah it kinda is," George agreed.

As everyone turned to notice the shape of Meredith's face, Derek walked by and gave her a McDreamy look. It was very obvious.

"Dude, did you sleep with him last night?" Alex asked instantly.

"What? No?" Meredith defended herself too quickly. "He's with Rose"

"Uh huh," Cristina looked up from her chip bag, "than why did he just give you the McDreamy sex eyes."

"He didn't."

"Oh he did," Izzie and Lexie said at the same time.

"He really did," Addison nodded.

"We're friends, I guess," Meredith was clearly getting desperate.

"Last time you were friends, you lost your panties at the prom." Cristina reminded her.

" 'mmmm yes, the black panties. I remember those, you can clearly never be just friends with Derek." Addison smiled

"You totally slept with McDreamy," Izzie smiled, not realizing that Rose was walking past the table. She turned and gave Izzie a look. "Opps"

"Shit," Meredith said instantly.

"Ya, I'm going to leave now." Izzie said getting up from the table. Izzie ran from the Cafeteria. Ryan was waiting at the corner.

"Isobel," he smiled.

"I thought we decided you were going to stop that," Izzie returned his smile.

"What time did you leave last night?" Ryan asked her.

"Like 3, I that I should get home because I had to be at work early," Izzie explained.

"So this going home together thing, is it going to be a habit?" Ryan grinned.

"Maybe," Izzie said mysteriously.

"Maybe?" Ryan questioned her.

"Maybe." Izzie confirmed it.

"Good," Ryan smiled, "are you on call tonight?"

"Yes," Izzie answered with an annoyed tone.

"Me too," Ryan answered quickly.

"Really," Izzie's voice and eyes were suddenly filled with mischief.

George was standing at the corner near the lab with Callie.

"So did you and Erica have fun last night?" George asked curiously.

"Yah, it was nice. I tried to convince her to dump Mark, but she wouldn't listen. I think she really has a thing for him. Even though she claims she doesn't. How was your night?" Callie asked sincerely.

"Fine," George shrugged. "I missed you," he kissed her softly. "You want to go to Joe's with everyone tonight?"

"Yeah, that'll be fun." Callie said firmly.

"So what's the deal with Shepard and Grey? I saw him follow her into the locker room like five minutes ago?"

"Who knows." George shook his head.

"Are they like back together?" Callie asked curiously.

"Pretty sure, she's having his baby, but that's just an educated guess,"

"An educated guess, what are you a scientist?" She questioned him sarcastically.

"Shut up," he said playfully.

"Say it again, it was really kind of sexy," Callie smiled.

Derek looked at Meredith, he was having trouble staying away from her today. They were practically back together. She could feel his McDreamy eyes looking at her. She didn't want to look back, not yet.

"Hey," Derek smiled leaning against the lockers.

"Hey," Meredith answered.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked concerned.

"Fat," Meredith said standing to look in the mirror. "is my face rounder than normal?" Derek looked at it for a second, he smiled noticing that it was a little. "Derek!" Meredith wined, "My face is fat, and my stomach is fat," she pulled her scrub shirt up to look at it in the mirror. "I'm faaaaatt," She wined.

It was the first time Derek saw Meredith's little baby bump. "Meredith," he said softly, a smile stretched across his face. He reached around her and touched held her stomach with both hands and then admired her reflection in the mirror, "You're beautiful."

They stayed their silently for a minute. He took in the smell of her hair and the feeling of having her tiny body, once again pressed against his. He was going to spend the rest of his life with her. He had always known it, but some part of him was worried that she would never be ready. And now she was. He knew she was scared, but so was he.

He leaned in to kiss her, but stop and just wavered over her lips for a second. She could feel his warm breath against her lips. He could practically taste her lips and then the door opened. Derek instantly turned the other direction.

"Oh god, sorry," Rose said not realizing who she had walked in on and then she froze. He turned to look at her. Her face dropped, she swallowed hard and then turned to leave.

"Damn it," Derek muttered under his breath.

Izzie found George still waiting at the Lab.

"Hey," Izzie said cheerfully.

"Hey," George smiled.

"So what's up," she said in her too happy, Izzie tone.

"Nothing," George replied.

They both looked to Rose, who as storming by them.

"What's her problem?" Izzie said immediately.

"I don't know." George said. "You really think Mer and Shepard…"

"Oh yah, and if they didn't it's only a matter of time," Izzie smiled.

"Good point," George gesturned toward Izzie and then he rethought, "Even though she's having another man's baby?"

"You really believed that?" Izzie asked reflexively.

"What? Is she having Shepard's baby?"

"No…yes…oh god I shouldn't have told you that." Izzie cringed. "I'm leaving before I spill any other dark and twisty secrets."

Meredith's doorbell rang, she walked out from the kitchen to get it. She opened the door and was surprised to see Mark standing there.

"Mark?"

"Hey, is Addison here?" Mark asked.

"Uh, no, she's not," Meredith gave Mark a questioning look.

"What?" he was suddenly defensive. "It's a work question."

"Right," Meredith nodded.

"I have this patient who plans on getting pregnant but wants a breast enhancement," Mark rambled, clearly lying.

"Who kicked me out?" Meredith asked suddenly.

"Out of what?" Mark asked confused.

"The dirty mistress club." She asked. Mark smiled. "Because if I was still in the club you would not be lying to me."

"I'm sorry," he smiled. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

"I'm having Derek's baby and Rose caught us practically making out today. Your turn," Meredith shrugged.

"I'm in love with Addison," Mark said.

Meredith was completely shocked, "Woah? You win."

"My first instinct was to run, and not be this guy again but then I wondered if I was this guy all along. I know she's going to leave but."

"but you feel like if you don't try, you'll always wonder," Meredith smiled.

"I shouldn't wonder, and there are about a million things I shouldn't do where Addison is involved,"

"Mark, if I've learned anything in the past year and a half, that it's to follow your heart, even if you're scared, even if you think it's wrong, follow your heart, or you'll regret it."

Mark smiled, it was funny, because in that brief moment, she saw a little bit of Derek in him. He stood up, patted Meredith's head and turned to walk away. As he got to the doorway, Addison came through the front door, "Grey?" she yelled.

Meredith signaled him to go talk to her. He turned the corner and went out, "Mark?" Addison jumped.

"Hey," he said softly.

Meredith suddenly walked through the entrance way." I uh… I have to go, just remember I'm on call. Addison will talk later?"

"Yah," Addison nodded.

Meredith quickly walked outside.

"What are you doing here?" Addison asked.

"None of it matters Addison, not the abortion, not the fact that you slept with Karev or left me to run back to Derek. All that matters is that when I look at you, or even think about you, all I want to do is kiss you. And its not just because you are incredibly sexy, its because you are intelligent and the hardest worker I know, and even though you make mistakes, you are good person."

Addison looked at Mark, completely consumed by his eyes. She sighed softly.

Derek found Rose at the Nurse's station, she was working a double shift today. He walked up the station and sat next to her.

"Hi," he said softly. She didn't answer him.

"Why should I talk to you," Rose said firmly. "I should have known Derek, I should have known. Everyone was telling me, he'll never get over Meredith Grey, don't mess with that, there's too much baggage. But I chose to believe you and then I walk in on you making out with her in the locker room."

"I wasn't making out with her."

"She's having another man's baby," Rose shook her head.

Derek looked down, and ran his hands through his hair realizing how hard this was going to be. He looked back up, "no she's not."

"So you slept with her while we were together?"

"No, she's just over three months pregnant, it was before us."

"How am I supposed to believe that, Derek," Rose yelled.

"That's not the point," Derek shook his head. Rose was silent and looked up at him.

"What is the point?"

"I should have never done this. I should have known that the second she was ready to grow up and have a real life with me, or at all for that matter that I would go running back to her. I'm in love with her. I'll always be in love with her. We've been through too much for me to forget that she ever existed. And I can't handle the in between... the just friends. I'm sorry that I did this to you, I should have never put you in this position." Derek said with sad eyes and then got up to leave.

_We all struggle to walk the line._

"Hi, this is Dr. Christina Yang, I'm calling about the advanced Cardio Program I was offered."

"One moment please." There was a long pause. Cristina anxiously tapped her finger against the phone. " I'm sorry the Chief is out for the rest of the day, can I have him call you back?"

"No, does he have a voice mail?

"Yes, I'll put you right through,"

_The line between right _

The machine beeped and Cristina took a deep breath, "This is Dr Cristina Yang, I work under Chief Richard Weber at Seattle Grace Hospital, I'm very sorry, but I am going to have to decline your program, my best friend is having a baby and I really think its necessary that I stay in the area. Thank you for the wonderful opportunity."

Meredith was sitting on the grass in front of Derek's trailer. For a minute she feared that he wouldn't show up. Maybe he would choose to be with Rose, instead of her. She rolled her eyes at the thought and then she heard footsteps from behind her. Moments later Derek sat by her side, she turned to look at him, he kissed her passionately.

"Come on," he took her hand and led her to his car.

_and wrong. _

Mark looked at Addison, her eyes were glassy and pained. He reached out and touched her arm. It gave her chills. He ran his thumb down her fragile face, he leaned in and kissed her softly at first and then faster. He pushed her toward the living room, the fell over the back of the couch. She laughed as the plopped onto the other side.

Izzie walked out of a patients room and handed a chart to Rose, who gave her a dirty look and then took it out of her hand.

_The line between professional _

She walked further down the hall and then into the on call room where Ryan was waiting for her. She straddled him, and then kissed him.

_and not professional. _

Lexie found Alex sitting on the gurneys in the basement. Her eyes met his, then she sat down.

_The line between friends and more than friends. _

Derek had Meredith's eyes covered for the last twenty-minutes, "Derek where are we going?" They walked up a ramp.

"Shush, not yet," Patrick said softly. They walked up a little further. Meredith could suddenly feel a cold breeze on her face.

_But there comes a moment, _

Izzie is laying in Ryan's arms

_when the we leave the line behind completely._

Addison and Mark making love in Meredith's living room.

_We throw the rules out the window._

"You see, I have this thing for… ferry boats," Derek said softly into Meredith's ear and dropped the blindfold.

She opened her eyes and realized she was looking out at the water, she smiled at his words and felt the air on her face for a minute, she turned to find him one knee.

"Derek," she said surprised.

"Meredith, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, the good, the bad, I want to be with you. I want to be 85 and sitting on our front porch, telling our grandchildren the story of how we fell in love." Meredith smiled, "They should probably be 18 before they hear it, but they'll love it just the same." He opened the ring box, "Meredith Grey, will you marry me?"

"Yes," Meredith smiled brightly, a few tears streaming down her cheeks, he slipped the ring on her finger and picked her up and spun her around.

_And just live our life._


End file.
